whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
