he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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