This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
