Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize