Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
