You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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