I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
