he puts the penis in happiness.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Acid is not a monday night drug
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
