Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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