I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
