You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry my hands just texted you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
