if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
