I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
