oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
