I want to make a zoo with you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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