He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
