Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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