That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
