I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
