PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
