It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
