You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
