you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
