I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
