i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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