Define "chronic" masturbator.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
