Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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