I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
