we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
