JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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