He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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