i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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