Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
