This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
