When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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