I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
the raccoons are back...
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