Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
