all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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