In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
