I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
