Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
