So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
