these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just cropdusted the office
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
