arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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