Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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