so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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