yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
