You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
