3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
