Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
