Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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