Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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