And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
