Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nicole vs. Life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
