Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
