I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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