Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
