I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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