I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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