How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
