All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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