Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
