i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
