someone owes me an orgasm
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
