please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
