Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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