i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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