this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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