i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
