she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
