I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
