It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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