the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
