Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize