There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
