I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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