When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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