a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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