she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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