i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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