Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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