Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
