Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
