I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
