that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
